Terlebih sensitif

Salam..

Sejak dua menjak ni, saya jadi terlebih sensitif.. Baru-baru ni saya menyambut hari kelahiran yang ke 22.. Entah kenapa, tahun yang ke 22 ini, saya tak gembira lansung.. Lansung tak gembira.. Sungguh.. Meski tahun ini hadiah yang diterima dari ma dan abah agak gempak berbanding tahun-tahun sebelum ini, namun entah kenapa, perasaan gembira itu tidak hadir lansung.. Sebagai seorang perempuan, tarikh hari lahir merupakan antara tarikh penting dalam hidup saya.. Tapi, bila ada antara rakan-rakan yang paling karib yang melupakan, tipulah kalau saya cakap saya tak terguris hati.. Dan dari seseorang yang saya memang sangat tertunggu-tunggu ucapan birthday darinya, juga sunyi sepi.. Ya, kini saya semakin yakin dan saya kira saya sudah mendapat jawapannya.. Saya tidak penting dalam hidup mereka.. TITIK.. atau adakah saya terlebih sensitif?? 

Dan sejak dua menjak ni juga, ramai dikalangan sahabat handai, saudara mara juga jiran tetangga yang sebaya dengan saya, mengikat tali pertunangan, tak kurang juga yang berumahtangga.. saya gembira untuk mereka, tapi saya sedih untuk diri sendiri.. saya masih sendiri hingga kini dan tidak pasti bilakah pengakhirannya.. atau adakah saya terlebih sensitif?

sejak kebelakangan ini, saya amat sensitif apabila orang mempersoalkan luaran saya.. saya merasa rendah diri apabila ada sahabat handai yang cuba berkias mengatakan saya berisi, gemuk atau sebagainya.. ya, saya tahu itu realitinya, saya cukup arif tentang itu, jadi tak perlulah kamu mengingatkan saya.. saya sedih sangat.. saya tahu saya tak secantik kalian, tak sekurus kalian, jadi???? atau adakah saya terlebih sensitif?

sekarang ni, saya tak boleh tengok ma dan abah saya nampak susah sedikit, kekurangan duit atau sebagainya.. saya jadi sedih.. saya rasa nak cepat-cepat kerja, ada pendapatan sendiri dan dapat menyara ibu bapa dengan keringat saya sendiri.. saya akan buktikan yang itu.. saya sudah tahu apa nak buat dengan first pay saya kelak.. saya sayang ma dan abah, tapi maaf ma, abah, onie tak dapat menyumbang apa-apa buat masa sekarang.. bisnes pun dah stop sebab kekangan masa dan pelajaran.. Kalau tak boleh juga hulurkan sedikit bonus buat ma dan abah.. Ya allah, murahkan reski ma dan abah.. :( atau adakah saya terlebih sensitif? 

:(

Hey hopeless!!

I first saw you in a class..

You wore a white shirt with necktie..

You caught my mind, you attract my eyes..

I keep it to myself, the story i never broadcast..

It takes thousand courage to approach you..
I introduced myself as a friend, not a boo..
Bird was singing, sky was blue..
It made up my day, so I thanked you..

You talked about your dream,
Obviously we're in a different stream,
It's impossible that we'll be in the same team..
Huh, suddenly the moonlight became dimmed..

You're a boy with a great spirit..
You told me you won't lose it..
It makes my heart skip a beat..
This is love or what, oh shit!

I stay as far as I could..
Afraid that you'll smell the changes of my attitude..
Hey man, please do not easily conclude..
We will always be friend, right Dude?

One day you talked to me about her..
You said her touch was soft and tender..
I asked if you like the girl, you answer, kinda..
Hey hopeless, don't you ever realised i was way far better?

We both know that we're good friends,
I'll make sure our friendship never ends..

So, it is best for me to dissappear in the rain..

No one would be able to see my tear and my pain..

The reason of this feeling you'll never understood..
It's ok, I don't want to make you understood..

Can't you open a bit of your eyes and your heart..
See my deep wound and unhealed cut..
What the story of my sad heart is all about..
I bear grudges, so do watch out!

By,
Fadzleen Ezyani

Kereta, I miss u!!

Hi everybody!!

Lamanya saya tak kemaskini blog kan? Amboi kemaskini kau!! Sejak jadi hantu novel-novel Melayu musim-musim cuti sekolah ni, ayat pun nak baekkk punya kan? hehe.. *bajet blog ada orang baca..kahkah*

Hurmmmm.. *mengeluh panjang*

Saya tak ada kereta!! Tak ada kereta!! TAK ADA KERETA!! 

Rasa macam loser tau tak? Rasa macam tak independent lansung..

Kereta saya masuk workshop.. dari sebelum raya lagi.. until now!

Ya Tuhan, seksanya hidup tanpa kereta..

Novel-novel kat rumah ni dah khatam kali yang ke berapa ribu riban pun tak tau.. *nampak sangat lah tipu kalau angka mencecah seribu kan.. nak tipu agaklah* Ingat nak lah tambah stok buku baru.. Nak pergi Popular cari buku.. tapi macam mana nak pergi tanpa kereta??? huwaaaaaaaargghhh!!

Time cuti-cuti panjang ni *3minggu kira panjang sangat lah bagi pelajar 'mad'ical macam saya ni kan*, kepala asyik fikir nak cuba resipi itu resipi ini, resipi Amarika, resipi Itali, resipi Jepun.. macam-macam lagi.. *amboi, resipi melayu tak nak pulak kau kan..mengada! ;D* susahlah kalau berangan nak jadi Masterchef ni even potong bawang pun terkial.. kihkih.. Baru je terfikir nak buat Apple Crumble, tak ada cinnamon powder pulaaaakkk.. Baru je ingat nak buat Panna cotta, gelatin habis pulaaaakk.. hang habaq mai kat cek macam mano nak tambah stok dapur kalau tak ada kereta?

Dalam masa seminggu lebih je lagi, sekolah saya akan bukak.. alaahh, sekolah 'mad'ical tu lah.. haha! suke tau highlight 'mad' tuh! kih2.. Kan nak naik final year dah, mesti lah nak jahit baju baru.. Kena pakai baju baru barulah ada semangat baru.. *ngade tau* Nak sangat keluar shopping beli kain cotton banyak-banyak.. Tapiiii??? Haaaiii, apalah nasibku.. Huarggghh!!

So sekarang, saya terperuk sorang-sorang kat rumah.. dah la budak-budak tak ada.. mak pergi kerja petang baru balik, boyfriend pun tak ada, kalau tak boleh mesej tanya khabar *ahakss terlebih sudah* alih-alih cakap dengan dinding saja lah.. Hurmm.. boleh bayang tak berapa boringnya hidup ini sekarang? Nak bukak buku 'mad'ic? Sangat la luar alam! Nama pun cuti sekolah kan.. hahah..

Dengarlah dunia, sungguh aku bosan!!

Duhai kereta ku sayang, walaupun orang lain memandangmu hanya sebelah mata, ada yang langsung tak sudi pandang pun, kerana dirimu sudah dimamah usia, walau kau hidup segan mati tak mau, aku tetap sayang kau.. Aku tak kesah, apa ada pada rupa? sesungguhnya kau telah banyak berbakti dalam hidupku.. Sekarang, teganya kau meninggalkan aku dan pergi hidup dalam workshop? Ingat best sangat ke hidup kat situ? Huarghhhh.. I miss my DAH!

T__T

Unexpressed feeling of a girl..

Unexpressed Feelings
Written by a girl...

"Secretly Loving You"

I am in love with a guy who doesn't know it
And that's because I am afraid to show it
He would get upset if he knew how i felt
And even more for the pain I've dealt

If I told him our friendship would have to end
Then I couldn't even have him as a friend
I get so jealous, he likes her instead
I hate how this all goes through my head

If only you'd let me taste your sweet kiss
Maybe then I would know about all this
I could know for a fact that this was true
But now all I can say is that I love you

So please give me just one chance
To show you true, sweet, romance
I owe it to you, for all that you do
You make me happy, mad, and even sad too.

If only you'd look through my smile
And saw that my love for you was in denial
My friends all know I still love you
But one question, "do you?"

My heart is so happy whenever your near,
But when your gone my eye gives a tear
My sadness for you is all so true
Only because I truly love you

So if you are my friend, at least one bit
You won't mind that one little slit
The one I told you, and just you about
I told you because I trusted you without a doubt.

You turned your back on me and turned it into you,
Which made me do what I had to do,
You put me through so much pain,
Your pains putting me down the wrong lane.

Some how this pain keeps reeling me in
You say you don't want me, but you let my love unfasten.
You let it unfasten into your soul.
Which makes our friendship less dull

I want you to know, you brighten my day.
Even when you stop just to say hey
Your smile so bright, is what keeps me going,
Which keeps my love for you showing

So please open up your eyes
Before I start telling those pointless lies
My love for you will never end
Even if I am only your friend

I want you to be happy,
I only wish it could be with me,
Because even though I'm not "higher class"
I'm not something you should just pass.

I have feelings just as much as you,
And just like you, I'm human too.
Once we get out of high school
It won't matter if we were cool

So show all your friends the real guy I know
Because as of right now I'm not letting go
Not letting go of that great guy I met
Because once I met him my heart was set

My heart was set on the guy of my dreams
Or so now that's what it seems
Please forgive me if I start to cry
But to me you are my one and only guy

You can make me smile with just one hi
And make me feel sad with that same goodbye
My stomach gets those silly butterflies
When ever i look deep into your soft blue eyes

For when we go our separate ways,
These are of course my sadder days,
For not being your friend is the worst thought of all,
It makes my heart just sink and fall

For you are the boy that makes my heart skip that beat
And without you I seem incomplete
So bare with me now, as I am only your friend
As I try to get this feeling to end.

If only you would give me that one chance,
To show you true sweet romance,
For then you'd know my love is real,
But now I will just have to deal.

Well that's all that my heart has got to say

But promise me now on this day
That you will at least be my friend,
My friend forever until the end.

What should i do?

What should i do???

A) Just wait a little bit longer

B) Keep waiting

C) Remain silent

D) Reveal what's burning inside 

E) End the story and begin a new one

F) Watch from far

G) Forget 

H) Try again

Hurmmm, I think i should do this : LEARN THE ART OF LETTING GO T_T  

Saya ada clone!!

Hi all!!!

Waaaa lamanya saya tak update blog kan..

Almaklumlah sekarang tengah posting surgery or so called 'logbook' posting..
Mestilah busy.. Hikshiks..

Kenapa ye ramai sangat orang sekeliling saya cakap muka saya macam sedara dia la, macam org yg depa jupa dekat kenduri la, macam misi la, orang tu la, macam orang ni la.. Haha.. My face ni sgt familiar ke apa? Atau species yg senang didapati? Huhuhu.. sobs!

Tak terkira dah.. Masa kecik, kawan2 ma cakap muka saya macam Vanida Imran.. wakaka.. yg ni mmg xmasuk akal.. Sangat tak masuk akal..

Pastu, bila naik sekolah menengah, ada kawan2 dari sekolah lain cakap muka saya macam senior diorang.. Bila saya usha friendster "clone" saya tu, saya rasa tak ada la sama pun.. Then, tunjuk dekat ma, ma cakap 'aah ye la, sama la".. haisshhhhh.. Masalahnya "clone" saya tu berambut blonde, memakai mini skirt dan tube dan sedang bersosial bersama rakan-rakan, dan tinggal di oversea.. Hahahaha.. Memang sgt clone lah!! ;D

Masa naik universiti, pergi projek kampung CFCS, sorang makcik tu cakap muka saya saling tak tumpah macam anak sedaranya yang dah lama tak jumpa.. Sejibik sejibun.. Siap ada lesung pipit lg.. Yang paling tak boleh tahan, dia cakap, cuma bezanya, anak sedaranya tu seorang ustazah.. Ngeh2.. Mungkin saya juga ada bakat jadi ustazah.. Kihkih.. ;D

Yang terbaru, muka saya macam muka budak chinese di kampus yg sama.. Adeh.. Saya ni takde rupa macam cina lansung.. Macam mana lah boleh disamakan dengan budak cina pulak.. Bila saya usha facebook 'clone' saya yg entah ke berapa tu, takdela sama pun.. serius saya rasa tak sama.. tapi, kenapa kawan2 saya cakap sama?? Ahhh tak paham sungguh.. Tapi, kalau dapat pakwe chinese pun apa salahnya kan?? I like small slanted eyes!! Hahahahaha.. tergatal lah pulak! ;D

Mungkin betul jugak.. Orang cakap ada 7 orang yg punya muka seiras dengan kita di dunia ni.. Tapi serius excited nak tengok muka orang yg dikatakan sama muka dgn kita tu.. Kan?
Tapi, kalau cakap muka saya sama macam Preity Zinta ke, boleh lah jugak diterima.. wakakakakaka.. Memang langit dan bumi bezanya.. ;D

A smile that lasted for a while..

That night..

He called me 'beautiful lady'..

Two times, I still remember both clearly..

And i smiled..

That night..

He gently hold my hands..

Assisted me to deliver the head of the baby..

And i smiled..

That night..

We're both sleepy..

So he cracked a joke..

And i smiled..

That night..

He's tired with so many patients..

He asked me to stay at his right side,

He said, "Dear, can u plz assist me with the epi?"

And i smiled..

I felt special until i heard he told the same things to other person..

And now i realized that i wrongly placed my heart..

I took it back and hopes i'll find someone exactly like him..

Oh God, he's beautiful! Never mind, i'll find someone like you!!

p/s: All good men are taken.. Then, whats left for me? =(